I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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