there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
