i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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