Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
