look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I didn't notice because vodka
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
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