____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Small penises have feelings too.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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