How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize