i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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