someone get that fucking seahorse.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
