shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
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