Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
