Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Randomize
