I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
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