Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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