i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
