I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
