well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
