No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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