Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize