I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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