I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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