does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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