Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
