Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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