Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I understand Curling. That high.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
