Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
