we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
