He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
