Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
