i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
my being single is dangerous.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize