fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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