i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
that is very illegal...i love you.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
