I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
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