I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
