this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Randomize
