just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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