Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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