If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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