I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Hippo gnu deer
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
