I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize