you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
