I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
