Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
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