just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
