me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
