I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
