just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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