a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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