I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
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