Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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