well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
