she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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