dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
