you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Holy shit dude........stairs
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
