I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
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