Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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