Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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