Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
