k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
she looked like the before picture.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I currently don't understand fingers.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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