I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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