i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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