toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
She even gives head with a lisp.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Randomize
