Apparently you make a good broom.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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