the new term for farting is butt boxing.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
