So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
