well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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