evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
