My liver just broke up with me...
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
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