You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
