What did we do last night that was yellow?
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
