i dedicated my morning wood to you.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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