Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
