I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
