Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I have aggressive nipples.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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