Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
