fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
