Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Never let your siblings swipe right.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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