i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
