Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
