You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
