help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
this beer tastes like vomit already
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
