Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
im calling her cock vulture from now on
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
