If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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