Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
