Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
