Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
