I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
