I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize