if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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