I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
