I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
We need to get me chipped asap
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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