Swine flu. Run for my life!
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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