dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize