hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
