2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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