just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
