Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
