My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
