She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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