he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
