I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
