no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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